Chapter One
Baronel, Beer, Spouts, Necromancers, and Hilts * The rapacious sulli bard, Aigee-Gorg, arrives in Baronel, unaware of the fantasmic adventures that are to come. This is no ordinary sulli, in fact, he looks nothing like a sulli. Aigee-Gorg is completely covered in a slimy, grey goo from head to toe. * Gorg spies a heroic ratfolk rogue bravely fighting a ferocious slaver’s dog, surrounded by a crowd of bloodthirsty plebeian degenerates who were cheering and placing their bets on who they thought would win the fight. * After reigning victorious over the monstrous beast, the ratfolk goes over to the nearby tavern to unwind. * The Goo Fellow, Aigee, follows close behind (like a creep) unready for what will happen next. The goo-sulli attempts to strike up a conversation with the rat, trying to break the ice. However, all the rogue will say is, “The name’s Skimp. Grew up on a slave plantation. Life was hell. My only friend was a wizard named Klistmar.” ''' * '''Aigee tries to prove that he is a man to the ratfolk named Skimp by taking a big swig of strong mead, but in the end vomits all over the counter and Skimp. * Skimp doesn’t care that much, but the barkeep gets angry at Gorg so he slinks into the corner to clutch upon a skinny bird-man’s skinny crow-leg. The skinny bird-man’s name is revealed to be Kawkrookitar. He’s a cannibalistic tengu druid, accompanied by a laughing hyena named Scazzle (but not for long, heh heh heh). He wields a mighty quarterstaff he calls The Crowbar. ''' * '''The skinny bird-man is revolted by the Goo Fellow, and attempts to shake the cretin off, getting vomit upon his skinny crow-leg in the process. * Gorg is kicked out of the tavern and is only accompanied by the people that he assaulted so that they could wash off at a nearby spout. This spout becomes a precious location to the adventurers, who vow to protect it with their lives from any who pose a threat to the holy relic. A precious location that the bois only visited once and never again. * After washing off, the party receives their first quest from the town crier: An evil necromancer had taken lodge at a sacred tower. Realizing that there is strength in numbers, the rogue, druid, and bard decide to work together to bring down the necromancer Jorlack, united by their shared lust for the reward money. This is where the foundation of the legendary heroes that called themselves Bongo and the Bois began. ''' * '''To prepare for their mission the crew goes back to the tavern to keep up their strength with food and drink. * Having very few funds, the group could not afford a room so they were forced to take up residence in the forgotten basement containing the untouchable kegs. * Kaw, upon spying the kegs, filled to the brim goes in for a big ole grasp. * NONE SHALL TOUCH THE BEER!!! * NONE SHALL TOUCH THE BEER!!! * NONE SHALL TOUCH THE BEER!!! * Realizing that a big ole grasp ain’t gonna work, Kawkrookitar goes for a beak jab. but crit fails miserably and conks his head against the keg, collapsing to the ground, unconscious. Truly, he is a disgraceful creature. ' * '''Giving up on the beer but still very parched, the two remaining adventurers journey to the sacred spout for a little sippy sippy, leaving the unconscious Kaw behind. However, Aigee and Skimp are in for a surprise. ' * 'What Ho! A filthy drunken man is slobbering upon the spout, defiling it with his very presence. Justice must be dealt and Skimp just so happened to be servin up a full order. The rogue drew his raper and plunged it through his chest at the exact precise moment that a mysterious panda-monk woman moseyed out of The Black Lodge after 25 years spent wandering around aimlessly through the red-curtained halls. ' * 'At first, the mysterious (and gorgeous and voluptuous) panda woman is infuriated by Skimp’s actions. However, the rogue explains that the man was desecrating the sacred spout, and had to be punished. The pandafolk monk, who is known as James Hurley (but is mostly referred to simply as James), agrees that the man deserved to die, and decides to join the three adventurers on their quest to slay the necromancer and banish his evil. Thus, this ragtag team of misfits gains its fourth member. ' * '''Upon meeting the fetching panda woman, the three reentered the tavern and the rat orders some mead and carries on down the stairs into the basement. The rat pours a few sips into the open beak of Kaw, who then jolts awake, ready to party. After a fearsome quarrel over who gets to sleep upon a pile of hay (which Skimp ultimately wins) the party sleep for the night and wake up the following day. * Before heading off towards the necromancer’s tower, the party decide to purchase some supplies first. After procuring some cloaks and camping supplies, the adventurers cause a ruckus in the nearby weapons shop when Kaw assaults a man with a hat in a very sneaky fashion. ' * '''Upset that his numerous hats had been slimed by Kaw’s grubby mitts, the man becomes angry and eventually the situation gets out of hand and ends up with the man having hat on face, a random gunshot, an old man dead outside, and the brave adventurers Naruto running out the door into the wilderness. However, before leaving the town behind, Skimp sticks his rat nose into the door and utters a farewell REEEEEEE! And with that, the adventure begins. ' * 'While on their way towards the necromancer’s tower, deep in the Baronel woods, the adventurers are suddenly approached by an eight-foot tall, immensely handsome goliath druid named Bongo, along with his mighty wolf companion Thgil. James Hurley runs in utter terror. After whispering something unintelligible into Kaw’s ear, the tengu and goliath become instant friends. Skimp seals the friendship by patting Bongo’s big toe. And with that, the party gains its final two members, and Bongo and the Bois is finally complete. The party reach the tower, prepared to do the dirty and take on the necromancer. ' * '''Bongo and the Bois A E S T H E T I C Theme begins. * Outside the tower, the party finds themselves in the middle of a courtyard. Curious, Skimp scouts ahead only to be jumped by a rotting zombie leading to an all out battle against an entire horde. After crushing the foes, Bongo approaches a sword-wielding statue, brakes off the sword’s stone hilt, and tucks it away inside his bindle for safe keeping. The Bois BUST into the tower, kill a group of skellies, stomp up the stairs when Bongo realizes he’s illiterate and ruthlessly slams a sentient plaque without mercy. ''' * '''With James in the lead, the party ran into a door. James, unable to comprehend what had just happened, receives a hardy backhand to the back of the cranium. With seething anger, James booshes through the door to reveal an open room with a tomb in the middle. Upon the altar, a brave knight of a bygone age lay, looming over the soldier was Jorlack, the very necromancer the Bois were sent to kill. * After a chaotic battle, the knight regains temporary control over himself, and stabs himself with his own blade, to spare the Bois from further harm by his hand. However, the knight is still barely clinging to life. Furious, James strikes the hilt of the knight’s sword with her mighty fist, plunging the blade deeper into him and putting him out of his misery. With his puppet slain, the necromancer levitates into the air, out of reach. ''' * '''Having little to no ranged abilities, the group was forced to use ulterior methods to attempt to attack the dark mage. Bongo, who for some reason brought a crate from downstairs, chucked it at the necromancer but misses by mere inches. Although they’ve only known each other for a short time, Skimp and Kaw share a quick look and instantly know what to do. Skimp leaps up upon Kaw’s bony shoulders and gives a mighty leap with the assistance of Kaw. Unfortunately, for all of Skimp’s redeeming qualities, he is not a strong ratfolk, and comes nowhere near the flying necromancer. * Growing bored with the battle, the necromancer plunges the area into true darkness. After the kerfuffle had ended, the lights come back on showing the necromancer breaking through a window and Skimp, for reasons unbeknownst even to him, found himself laying face first on top of Kaw who was also face first into the ground. Bongo, having lost his precious crate, is understandably enraged. Lost in his fury, he smashes open a nearby urn with his stone hilt and snorts the ashes. With the necromancer long gone, the party moved downstairs into a vast room. * But this wouldn’t be the last time the bois face off with the necromancer, Jorlack. He would later appear many many many times throughout the adventures of Bongo and the Bois. This recurring villain would be there to thwart the bois at any juncture! * Inside the room are two severed heads impaled upon rotating poles. Aigee-Gorg rushes into the room and is spotted by the heads. The party is then attacked by duergar that seem to be under some sort of mind control. After defeating the duergar, the Bois discover a violent parasite burrowed into one of their skulls, known as a brain jacker. Bongo and Kaw use HANDLE ANIMAL on the creature, showing it who Daddy is and shoving it into an urn. After looting the whole room, the party, proud after clearing the tower, strolls outside and stumbles into a force of Zorendal Empire troops. The leader of the troops, a powerful magic-user named Terrick, demands the Bois tell him what they were doing inside the tower. The Bois are reluctant to give him any information, and so Terrick has no choice but to arrest them. Bongo, in a fit of rage, opens his urn and unleashes the brain jacker upon the Zorendal troops. The brain jacker gets STOMPED like a dog, and Terrick paralyzes the Bois so they can’t fight back. The Zorendal troops then march the party to the town of Rockwater. * SESSION END!